There is an opaque sticker on top of my webcam at all times, I don’t exactly remember which year I started doing it, but what prompted me was this, one day while lazily clicking away on the internet I came across a website that promised an authentic monsoon viewing experience from Kerala if I managed to find a pair of working headphones. Since life is too short for reading the “If you agree to all these conditions you just read click yes” button, I clicked yes without a blink. With my blessing, the program turned the webcam ON, My 3am brain was too tired to notice that, and I waited through about 15 minutes for the said monsoon experience while only wearing my bra (because it was summer and because I live alone) it was scary realizing the cam was ON the entire time. It was like realizing that somebody was watching you through a peephole while you were taking a shower.
I studied electrical engineering for four years, so it is not anywhere near logical for me to assume that somebody can watch through my camera without my permission. But the footprints we leave on the internet can be traced back to us whether we like it or not, that is a fact. It is kind of scary that not always will we have a say in this. Yesterday evening I had the privilege to listen to a series of talks given by Jürgen Todenhöfer, Jeremy Scahill, Richard Wolff, Paul Jay, Srecko Horvat, and Edward Snowden (Snowden joined through video conference of course).
It left me feeling discontented and hopeful.
I have learned make-believe as a way of keeping it together. I make up utopian worlds in my imagination and try to be content with it. When you see things like, people denying climate change on a daily basis, you need something to keep your hope alive. But then I am only a lazy idealist who is in perpetual denial, what difference do I have from the person denying climate change? I don’t want to be that person anymore.
I have written here before about the skewed ideas we have about activists, the girl in a kurti with a messy bun and round glasses. Yesterday, Snowden said something that is extremely relevant in this respect. I would paraphrase it here, We should all stop putting faith in one elected person to bring on change. There are no heroes, only heroic acts. Being a hero sounds too daunting but doing one heroic act, still daunting but more doable, isn’t it?
I strongly believe social media can make a lot of changes in our society, it is the closest thing to a democratic mouthpiece humanity have today. The place where it fails miserably is when our activism begins and end there. Changing our profile pictures in solidarity for a cause is great. If it helps someone else to pause and reflect on it for a second we have already contributed to the cause, but when our activism ends there, the difference we make would also unfortunately, have a short life.
As an idealist, I am learning that idealism is nothing without hard work. The bigger picture of ‘your side of the revolution winning eventually’ is a powerful image to hold on to but sometimes each day of that revolution looks insignificant and boring and banal. It is a lot of showing up when no one else does. It is being the person who stays back to clean up the mess after the party. It’s only been about six months of me trying to get a mental health NGO started and my hope is already dwindling. See, told you, lazy idealist!
But if a person forced to live in exile for the past three years can still show up for a cause, the least I could do is try.
I learned from a wise old man with a white beard that things I imagine can be real and for good or bad, things you learn as a child stay with you forever. I want to keep that child alive while teaching the adult in me to stay back for the afterparty.
To small heroic acts.