I ended up at the rehab again. This is the third time in the past three years. Things have gotten a lot better during this time. My doctor told to think of this as a pause and not a step back. So that is what I am doing.
I wanted writing to be my thing. The thing that would help me through the blues but apparently it isn’t. Finishing that short paragraph took a lot of mental gymnastics.
There is a lady here who is perpetually talking, she just told me to ‘fuck off’ in German. It’s nothing personal, she says that to everyone.
I have been taking six showers a day because it helps, I know it is bad for the environment but I am not eating meat for now, so hope that evens it out?
We wake up at 6.45 everyday.
Someone plays the piano everyday.
There is a new print of the Nighthawks on the wall, it wasn’t here last year. I can look at all day.
I take therapy in German which is also different from the last two times.
They still call me by my last name which I hate.
Why do hospital food always suck?
We eat breakfast in silence, we talk a lot during lunch and eat dinner again in silence. I wonder why that is.
Sometimes we play board games.
My roommate has to pack her entire suitcase every time she leaves the room. She is scared I am going to steal her things. But she is nice to me otherwise.
She snores but I don’t mind.
It has been raining a lot.
I am rereading the harry potter series.
Is it different to be depressed when you have money? Yes, it is a lot better when you can buy books and art supplies (also, when you are not worried about how to make rent) So now I buy my share of happiness with money. That helps.
I don’t know what to tell my friends, they think I am on holidays.
My boss knows, he said to take my time. How do I always end up with kind people?
It would have been nice to have someone to hug.
I have been painting a lot, sometimes that is all I do. Is any of you on Instagram? you can find me as @galaxiesinamasonjar. I pretend to be funny there, that helps too